Lori Harder

Written by Lori Harder, Fitness & Self-Love Expert, Transformational Coach   |    Photo by Randi Marie Photography

So here you are—the same exact spot you swore you’d never be at again. And maybe this time feels even worse than the others. Yup, it’s confirmed: you’re stuck. As someone who’s been there, I think I know how you’re feeling right now. Here’s what my stuck self-talk used to sound like:

O.M.G. I am spinning out of control! I don’t even know how to stop myself from these habits and thoughts that are spiraling down, and I see no way out. Nothing works—I’ve tried it all. I’m cursed, I have no willpower, I hate myself. I can’t stay another day here! Extreme measures are called for! NO! I can’t do the extremes—that’s what got me here again in the first place… I feel so tired, drained, and helpless. Please someone help me. And…repeat.

Feeling stuck can be applied to anything. Whether it’s not achieving your goals with your body, business, money, career, relationships, or spirituality, these emotions don’t discriminate. All you need to know is that we’ve all been there, and it’s more than solvable. In fact, the realization of it is a gift, and now that you’ve given yourself that gift, here are your next steps towards setting yourself free.

#1 Reframe your mindset.

First off, one of the only reasons you’re stuck is because this is what you believe to be true. Maybe you were told stories or saw things growing up that made you adopt the idea that struggling and getting stuck are just a part of life. The willingness to see it a different way is the only thing that will give you the power to change it. Until you actively work on changing that story, I’m sorry to say, this will be your life. Our thoughts inform our energy and choices, and these two things create our reality.

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Personally, I don’t believe in staying stuck. Instead, I choose to believe that everything is feedback. Sometimes we linger longer than we’d like to in a situation, and that’s because we’re resisting the lesson that it’s trying to teach us. These days I always ask, “What is this trying to offer me? Is it patience, compassion, self-love, gratitude, strength, or forgiveness?” Most often when I can embrace these opportunities, I can see that I get to be stronger on the other side of it; in turn, becoming the person I need to be to reach my goals more quickly.

I want to remind you that “good is the enemy of great,” meaning that being too comfortable can actually make it harder to get moving again because, well, you feel that life is good enough the way it is. With that said, congratulations! You are in the perfect place for massive transformation potential.

#2 Own it. Forgive. Move on.

Take full responsibility for the choices you’ve made up until now. When we blame, we are actually saying we never, ever had the power to choose or do anything else. You want all the power? Own your choices, forgive yourself quickly, and know that failure is the best part of your story if you choose to use it as a perfect, divine teacher. Without resistance and failure there is no strength. Stop looking at your mess as something you are ashamed of, and know that it has the power to turn into your greatest accomplishment. But this only happens when and if you decide to take back your power, use it, and rise above.

#3 Make a simple plan.

I can’t say this enough: life is like a layer cake. If layer one isn’t solid, the more you pile on the layers, frosting, and cake toppers, even if it looks pretty from the outside, your cake is gonna collapse. Look, I know you want to do it all at once, have it all now and look perfect while doing it, but that’s just not how it works. Stop looking at what others have and comparing your life to theirs. Time to back it up, assess the first step, and implement one simple change a day. Here’s how:

Step 1:

Ask yourself the following series of questions:
What is the one, most pressing thing you want to accomplish? That, by just doing that, all of your other goals would seem easier? Is it sleeping more? Getting to the gym? Hiring a business coach? What would the first steps of that be? Do you need to first seek out a mentor, program, or book for advice? Answer these questions before moving on to anything else.

Step 2:

Write down the first step (in your calendar, too) and plan to take small actions every single day. What you don’t plan doesn’t happen—end of story. You must act like a true boss and never cancel an appointment with yourself.  Spend NO more than 60 minutes a day on these actions. In fact, start with the smallest amount of time possible until it feels like a habit, then you can move it up. I’m serious on this one.

Step 3:

Be patient, have faith, and surround yourself with support. The only thing that saves me every time from getting back on the CRAY-hound bus is knowing that the journey is the destination. C’mon girl, I know you’re a secret (or not so secret) overachiever, and the second you accomplish something, you forget it and write it off because you’re already setting your next goal! So listen, if you aren’t searching for joy in the Now, from this day to your last, you’re always going to be wanting what’s next.

If you don’t feel supported, remember that it comes in many different forms at first. I used books, podcasts, and events in the beginning until I became brave enough to seek out mentors and friends who were doing what I wanted to be doing!

Lastly, I’ll leave you with this. There’s a saying that goes: we may not always be getting the answers we want, but life is reflecting the answers that we need, and those are “yes,” “no,” and “not right now.” If we can accept the answers, we can change the direction and know that it was a detour trying to get us to go where we will be happiest, even if it’s not in the form we originally thought it would be.

Be open, be willing, forgive yourself quickly, be grateful for the lesson that being stuck offers, have faith that you’re being answered, and above all, stay strong.

Much Love,
Lori Harder

Lori Harder

Tune in to my super-charged podcast and learn how to take your life to the next level at earnyourhappy.com.